My Reflections In A Blur

Written by N.S. Dezelich | June 20, 2018 | All Rights Reserved

Somehow, I made it here. You colored me gray as stone-cold, blaring against a black caviar silhouette. You knew when and how to get me. Awhile, painting a washed-out blue sky overhead. Depression kept arising with rales of thunder striking in. The brain became this fragile piece, apart from everything else I couldn’t control. It took over me. I remotely gave in over and over again. I was stuck in this musk of silence for a while. After all, my reflection slowly began to reappear out of the entrapment of the misty fog.

Looking back at my reflection, I saw the scars that once bled for help, in hopes that I would be saved. Flashes projecting off the pupils that once knew of my hurt. Those memories were now becoming obscured and blurred. I was now getting closer to the healing process, where pain no longer seeped into my heart, it faded. Better yet, I was becoming anew. Waving the “old me” goodbye. The hurt, the pain, the cries, along with the rain, had relinquished far from my bones.

I saw a sparkle at the end of the tunnel.” I saw lambent light ahead undulating my way. My mind no longer was imprisoned by sorrow. Instead, it was enlightened. I left the past behind, overlooking all of my flaws. I had to learn about peace and the process on how to get there. Have you ever been in the preposition of being on the outside looking in? I have. I can now rejoice about my pavements of no longer being rugged, but cobblestoned; my skies of longer being washed-out, but filled with strident glows. Somehow I made it here.

Ask me how I made it.

January 2016:

There’s no other fragile abstraction like the mind. I had to hone myself from self awareness for personal growth. I no longer was ashamed to seek help. I cut all ties of negativity and began helping myself. Like a project, I pointed out the problems, wrote them down and planned to fix them. It wasn’t easy and trust me, I can testify to that. But, quitting wouldn’t help neither. I weighed the options, realizing that climbing out of the rut will be worth a try rather than surrendering to misery, and forever excusing myself to pity. My old mindset was being fueled by the hurt and pain, as oppose to my present time–where resentment no longer co-existed. Time is standing still, whilst arising to beautiful mornings that now begin to bloom.

I hope you find a lovely place in your mind.” ♥️

Note 📝: If you are ever feeling down or going through depression. Don’t hesitate to speak to someone.

With Love,

Nikki

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